( love,why me?)
By chidinma jerry.
The next place I felt samrhats fingers was on my top which he untied and dropped.
And then finally,right there on the white veil samrhat defiled me..I watched the moon close its eye I defiled my vows.it was all for a man who can never love me.my tears streamed down I held the necklace tight at least now I can wear material things..I can wear colours. I am glad it was my first love..samrhat in your next life don’t forget to love me.
Soon he came out of me and lay quietly by the side I came into him and placed my head on his chest..he slept off i guess because he was drunk.
I cried my heart out right there on his chest. I was too weak and pained to stand up.
I need to wake up early so I can clean myself up..i am too embarrassed to face Sam.
someone please wake me up early I will be grateful.
I looked into his face but he Wont open his eye.his fingers only brushed into my hair then down into my body to hold me tight.
I almost over slept until I felt something move into my body then my hand my leg and my tummy I opened my eye and it was one of the biggest pythons I ever saw In a ritual.
I stood up and it crawld up to my shoulders… I didn’t want to wake sam.
I walked down and it left me..my guardian finally left me..I felt it.I defiled myself they can’t stay with me anymore, I guess she just wanted to wake me up.What’s next for shreya now.I took my bath in the river and washed off.I dressed up and collected my veil. Sam rolled over but didnt wake him. That was how I left.I don’t want him to marry me out of pity..I don’t want him to love me out of pity..he has to come to me.
I headed off to the temple i carefully covered my face but as soon as I walked in all the bells started ringing..oh no.
I got embarrassed so I ran past the alter and the bell stopped.
I rushed into my room but ma’am priya blocked by way.
She looked at me from hair to toe
“Shreya why did you do it?”she asked me and my nuni came out she too perceived everything from a distance
“Shreya what happened to you?”she asked.
“Shreya gave herself to a man,now if you leave this temple where will you go?”ma’am priya said
“Shreya..my child–priya am sure samrhat Will come for her.”nuni said
“He won’t, little child you do not know what the walls of this temple protected you from…your future is not a beautiful one. you defiled yourself now you are free to wear colours but always remember this shreya,u will never wear the red color”priya said
Tears came down my eye and i held my granny tight
“Nuni…tell her not to say that”I said crying.
“Priya!!” My grandmother shouted at her
“She will never wear the red colour nuni, u will never where the red colour shreya;you Wont be a bride” ma’am priya said
I shed tears as I looked at my nuni
” priya why did you curse shreya?”my granny asked.
“I love her too much to curse her,i told her what I see in her future” ma’am priya said.
” shreya where will u go to now..you can’t stay on the street’s”nuni said.
“I will wait for samrhat and if he doesn’t come I will move on with my life”I said.
“U need to leave shreya..your presence is insulting the temple.”priya said.
I took my bag and walked out I looked back at the gate and tears streamed down my eye.
All I kept remembering was priya’s words
YOU WILL NEVER WEAR THE RED COLOUR SHREYA.
I ALREADY lost my sekf respect and if samrhat doesn’t marry me no other man from a good home will because everybody knows me as a worshipper who shouldn’t leave the temple.
But now I left the temple without marriage vows so anybody who sees me will know I lost my self respect what is more embarrassing than that.
I can’t stay in Hindi anymore, I don’t want to be laughed at.
Unless samrhat Will marry me..I am sure he will come for me I better wait for him.
I covered my face well and
headed back to the place where I had my first experience with a man..the place where samrhat defiled me but samrhat was not there anymore.
I waited for samrhat ..I got rained on..the sun dried the rain..I slept in the wild but samrhat didn’t come…I can’t die like this, Where do I go.
If I go to the streets people will ask me why I left the temple..what do I do?
I turned and saw my mom coming
“Shreya I wanted to stop you last night but I decided to let u do it.
if sam didn’t come to you last night the gate of the temple would have been closed with you trapped there and any man who you sleep with will die. you wont experience this, you wont feel what you felt yesterday.you will suppress your desires everyday and you will serve as a worshipper till you die.you would never fall in love again,you will be more of a water being than a human being. don’t feel bad if samrhat doesn’t come to take you away,take it that samrhat did you a favour shreya…let’s belive that the universe used samrhat to set you free from bandage. maybe he is your saviour but not your soulmate. shreya..you can’t force him to love you”she said and i hugged her tightly.
“Shreya am leaving today for Vietnam, plesse come with me. where will u go to, do u want to go to samrhats house…but that family is too traditional and law abiding and shreya u already lost your self respect. the whole streets will gossip with your name. people will ask samrhats family why u left the temple without marriages vows.
the truth that u defiled yourxelf will come out and your fellow youths will insult…after all this do u think samrhat father will let you into his house?”she said.
“Ok,i will follow you mum..I will”I said.
I followed her home and everything was unusual.
She was smoking too much and too much calls.
She didn’t have time to get to know me or ask personal questions.but I will still follow her to Vietnam.
I don’t know what happened last night my memory is really blank.I only remember begging shreya to follow me out of the temple and i don’t know WHAT happened next.
I can’t even concentrate at work where is she and what happened last night.
My secretary rushed in she was wearing a white sarri.
her veil fell down because of her speed and memories came.
I remembered shreya spreading her veil on the floor…….then……then🙉🙊
What did I do, I slept with shreya.
they would send her out of the temple i really need too–
I rushed away and soon I arrived at temple she wasn’t there.
I was directed to her aunt.
” Namaste please where can I find shreya?”i asked.
“Shes with her mum”the woman said.
” ok,i headed out.. and with the directions she gave me I finally found the house.
I saw shreya’s slipper outside and i was glad,i knew she would be at home…thank God.